DomesticAbuseScreening

Screening Questions for Domestic Abuse

Do you. . .?

Isolate yourself from others in order to hide from others how your mate treats you?

Fear that you will be disbelieved or rejected by others if others find out what is happening in your relationship with your mate?

Find yourself anxiously trying to predict or anticipate your mate's moods and behaviors?

Feel like you are constantly working on trying to please your mate so that he won't become angry and treat you cruelly?

If you have answered "yes" to three or more of these questions, be diligent. You may be at the beginning of the path of domestic abuse.

Does your mate. . .? These are methods of intimidation:

Make impossible demands of you (e.g. how you should look, behave, how much you should weigh, etc.)?

Humiliate or belittle you in front of others?

Threaten you verbally (e.g. he will hurt the children, leave you, etc.)?

Subject you to verbal rage attacks and constant criticism?

Escalation. . .? If intimidation no longer works to control you, your mate will gradually escalate to physical violence.

Has your mate begun hurting you during sex? This often marks the transition to physical violence.

Do you have injuries or bruises as a result of your mate's actions?

Does your mate bully, frighten you or threaten your well-being or your loved ones' well-being in any way?

Does your mate exhibit rage or lose his temper?

Does your mate hit, push, shove, choke, strike you?

If you have said "yes" to one or more of these, you should be strongly concerned with the possibility that you are being abused. Without question, it would be prudent for you to seek professional assistance from someone trained in handling domestic abuse.

Other Potential Indicators

Do you. . .?

Feel ashamed and embarrassed because you feel that your mate treats you cruelly?

Think that abuse such as this "doesn't happen to Christians like us"?

Try to make excuses for or cover up your mate's actions? (to yourself or others)

Find yourself making excuses for staying in your relationship based upon your church's teaching about submission and/or divorce?

Does your mate. . .?

Make you doubt your own abilities and self worth by criticizing or making demeaning attacks on you? (e.g. on your femininity, sexuality, appearance, parental behaviors and/or housekeeping abilities?)

Show little remorse nor seek forgiveness after exhibiting any or all of these behaviors?

Believe he can "get away with anything" and deserves special treatment because he is so special? Use your church's teaching about male privilege to justify his behavior?

Use money and power as a leverage or threat?

Carefully evaluate your answers to these questions, and become informed on this issue. Above all, If you think you or your loved ones may be in danger, get help or consult a professional immediately. SAFETY FIRST- IT MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE!

Note: This questionnaire is adapted from "Take This Test" on Dr. Susan Weitzman's website, Not to People Like Us, which examines domestic violence in upscale marriages. There is a parallel between domestic abuse in upscale marriages and in the Assemblies based on the narcissistic profile of the abuser.

For further reading on domestic abuse, see Verbal Abuse Part I: What Is It?, and Verbal Abuse Part II: What Can You Do About It?

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