Lord, I have loved the habitation of thy house, and the place where
thine honour dwelleth. (Ps. 26:8)
David loved God's house. To be in God's presence was his chief joy. As
parents, we want our children to develop that same appreciation for the
house of God. Our goal is to see our children flourish as God's
servants and participate with His people in their calling as a holy
priesthood.
For them to be able to make their contribution in the meetings, we must prepare them in specific ways. Beginning as babes, and continuing through childhood, there are many ways of training our children to cultivate an understanding of and love for the things of God.
The following is a summary of training suggestions for you to use to
prepare your children for the weekly meetings. Like steps, they build
upon one another. These things must be taught and practiced
consistently and thoroughly. Remember, we don't want just well-behaved
children who are quiet in the meetings. We want to see young devoted
servants for Christ formed. This formation will occur only through your
training and God's enabling.
As part of your attitude, teaching your child respect is crucial. Keep in mind as you train that the way you allow your child to respond to you is the way he will respond to others. And it is the way he will respond to God. If you want him to have respect towards any others, you first must teach him to respect you. Teaching first-time obedience is equivalent to teaching respect, for in obeying your command the first time you give it, you are teaching your child to esteem, honor and defer to your will.
By obeying you, he is learning to consider another above himself. This attitude of deference and respect then can be transferred to situations outside the home as you teach him how to respond to others. From the simplest form of respect in greeting an adult to the more difficult form of respect for another's differing point of view, all begin with your commitment to teach respect to your child.
That means NO errands in the car with baby in the car seat during this time. Otherwise you disturb his sleep pattern and your training is more difficult. Remember, the key word in training is consistency. Do your errands during the baby's waking times, not his sleeping times.
Second, during these first six months, get your baby used to hearing you say, "Head down" each time he goes down for his nap. Of course he won't understand what it means for the first few months, but this is your first place of training. If he hears this continually for four months, then when his neck muscles are strong enough to lift his head when you want him to put it down, you can begin the training for it more easily.
In addition to teaching him to put his head down on his mat and in his crib, teach him also to put his head down on your shoulder and to rest on your lap by straddling your lap and resting his head against your chest. Don't wait for the meetings to do this. Do it at various times during the day at home--when the child is sleepy, when he is awake but you want him to calm down and be still, when you are at the table and he is getting a bit fussy, or just for the sake of training him to put his head down.
Finally, keep in mind that during the baby months you are forging strong bonds of love and security. Your baby needs you to hold him much of the time because he needs your physical touch. So when you come to the meetings, don't think that you must now isolate your child on the mat for the duration of the meeting. Hold him and sing together at the beginning and end of the meetings.
When he wakes from his nap too early and needs a bit more rest or sleep, but you know he won't go back to sleep on the mat, feel free to have I him sit on your lap and rest against you. Just say, "Head down" as you have trained him at home and let him sleep on your lap. You also can let him sit quietly on your lap when he is awake and you can see he is running out of self-control on the mat.
Once your baby isn't napping as much in the meetings and is awake more, it becomes more difficult to keep him under control. (The ages from 7 months through 14 months seem to be the hardest for both baby and mom!) So break up the child's time on the mat by letting him sit on your lap--not to play, but to be held by you. Then when he is calm again, in perhaps 15-30 minutes, he will want to return to the mat.
When your child is about six months old you can begin mat training. However, you first must get your child used to the mat as a safe and fun place to be. At two months of age, start putting him on the mat for a little while each day. Let him take one of his daily naps there sometimes.
Put the mat wherever you are with all the accompanying lights and noise, even some good music. This will get him used to sleeping in the meetings with the various levels of noise in preaching, singing and praying. If your baby sleeps only in the quiet and darkness of his own room he will not be able to sleep well in the meetings. But if you vary his sleeping place (though keeping his sleeping times the same) he can learn to sleep anywhere. By the time he is six months old and you are ready to begin mat training, your baby will be well acquainted with his mat.
Start with 15 or 20 minutes a day for this age. Use the mat or blanket you use at the meetings and have your child play on it, keeping all his body parts within the perimeter of the mat. Let him have only one toy at a time to play with rather than many. This helps to develop his power of concentration.
In order to teach him to play quietly, you must give him a verbal command when you set him on the mat. A simple phrase such as, "Play quietly" or "No talking" is fine. At first when he makes noise, put your hand over his mouth and repeat your command. After a period of time however, you will need to use correction. It's fine to leave him on the mat when you correct him rather than removing him and making a big ordeal of it. Then when he stops crying, you can get him right back into the play situation and again tell him to play quietly. Be sure to praise him when he does well and obeys you.
As his attention span increases with time, you can give him several things to play with, but never load his mat with toys and books. By the time your child is 18 months old, he has the capacity to play by himself for a long enough period of time to be able to last throughout the morning meeting.
Whether or not he actually can do so depends on your training and how you have been using his mat times at home to stretch his ability to control himself and play quietly. It also depends on how well you manage his time during the meeting so that he doesn't have to do the same thing for too long a span. Remember, capacity takes time to develop. If you start at 6 months with 15 minutes and your goal is to reach two hours by 18 months you can plan accordingly. But you must be diligent and patient!
When you are at the meetings keep track of how your child is doing on the mat. Don't ignore him. Young children run out of the capacity to entertain themselves quickly and you need to be ready to change your child's environment when that happens. If you maintain awareness of him you often can prevent a crying episode that would take you both out of the meeting simply by picking him up or rearranging his play area.
You also can let him stand up next to his mat in front of you and hold on to your leg or chair for a stretch of time. You don't want him to hold onto the chair in front of him because that might distract someone, but you can let him stand by you as long as he doesn't get too bouncy or walk around on the mat.
Do not use the meetings as a place to train your child. Rather, consider the meeting a time to see how well your child has learned what you taught him that week. When he has difficulty on the mat or keeping his head down or is too fussy, you will see what you need to give attention to during the following week.
If your child needs to be taken out of the meeting, keep his time out as short as possible. Don't let him play or walk around. Otherwise he will begin to fuss regularly just to get you to remove him from the structured environment of the meeting to the more unstructured one of the bathroom or back room.
Even though your child is playing alone, be sure to check on him regularly. It's fine for him to be able to see you in another room and even to hear your voice; this is especially comforting to him in the early months while he is adjusting to not being able to be with you every time he wishes.
You want to be sure he is safe during his play-alone time, so from time to time peek in on him but do not let him see you every time. You also want to make sure he isn't doing something you have forbidden, such as writing on the walls or screaming at the top of his lungs. Teach him to stay in his room with the door open by placing a long piece of string or yarn on the floor at the doorway and teaching him not to go past it. (You can use the yarn boundary for other rooms in the house as well, such as the kitchen.)
As a result of playing alone each day, your child will not only develop his ability to entertain himself, but will also develop the mental capacity to concentrate on one thing for long periods of time. This essential skill will serve him well in school and in the meetings while listening to the preaching of the Word. So you can be encouraged that by setting aside an hour each day for your child to play alone and pursue his own interests, you are actually broadening his capabilities to be a better thinker, a better listener, and, in the long run, a better student and servant for the Lord. You will find that this hour alone will serve him well throughout the years of childhood and beyond.
When he is old enough to speak in sentences,
use questions that require a more complete response: "What are you
going to do when it is time to sit on your mat?" "What are you going to
do when it is time for the Lord's Supper?" "What are you going to do
when it is time to lie down?" "What are you going to do when it is time
to clean up your toys?" By asking questions rather than telling him
what to do you are getting your child to engage his will, tune into
your expectations and keep them in the front of his thinking. Do this
each Sunday morning as well as during the week for the evening
meetings.
Children become verbal during these years. You can teach your child to
fold his hands and pray with you. Teach him to stand quietly during
pre-prayer by teaching him at home to stand quietly for prayer during
family devotions. Teach him to sing by singing to him every day and he
will begin to imitate you.
As soon as he can stand on his own in one place for a few minutes, let him stand at the beginning of the meetings to sing with the saints. If he is awake at the end of the meeting, let him join the singing again, either standing on the floor or on the chair to share your hymn book. You can prepare him for this by saying to him: "Since you can stand up so well in devotions, now you get to stand up and sing the first song at the meetings with all the saints."
In this way you show him that his participation in the meeting is a
reward he has earned by his obedience and efforts. As you expect him to
participate more, continue to phrase your expectations in words such as
these that will communicate your approval of him and show him that he
is ready for his next privilege in God's house.
During the ministry, put your child on your lap sometimes just so he
can sit still and listen. This will help him develop a reverence for
the Lord's presence and the ability to concentrate on hearing the
preaching of the Word. During the Lord's Supper do not let him play on
his mat. He should sit still during this time, whether on your lap or
in his own chair.
This applies to all ages. We want our young children
to be tuned in to the Lord's presence, especially during this part of
the worship. So remove all the distractions and let him observe and
learn. If you must stay home on a Sunday, have your own little time of
worship at home. Sing the first verse of some worship hymns and let
each one pray. In this way you can begin teaching your child about the
way to participate in the worship.
As you can see, the emphasis of your efforts is to increase your
child's capacity for worship and participation in the meetings as he
grows. So his play time naturally decreases as his involvement in the
meetings increases. As his play time decreases in the meetings, his mat
training time at home also decreases once he is able to remain quiet
throughout the meetings (with the exception of occasional outbursts).
Don't eliminate mat times at home all at once; however. He still needs regular times of practice at this at home. And you can use the mat time to your advantage. For example, spread out the mat near the kitchen when you are preparing a meal, or in the room you are cleaning. That gives your child a controlled area to play in while you do some work, and you can still attend to him if he needs correction.
But be clear in
the direction you give him. If you want him to play without talking,
make sure you tell him this and follow up if he disobeys. Don't tell
him "No talking" and then let him talk a little while later. If you
don't mind him talking while he plays on the mat, it might help if you
use another blanket for him to sit on rather than his mat. That way it
is easier for him to remember the mat is only for quiet play. But you
still need to give him a clear instruction to let him know he can talk.
Teach your child that he is not to converse with you during meetings.
You can work out little signs to use when he has a true need to tell
you something and give simple, whispered commands when you want him to
do something. But you must train him to know that while the meeting is
going on, all of you are there to hear the Lord speak, not to hear each
other speak.
Finally, don't underestimate the importance of praise. Teaching these
things requires your continual attention and discipline, but remember
your child also needs to know how well he is doing. Simple words of
praise, such as "Good job!" and smiles and hugs from you for obedient
responses are essential to child training.
In addition to praising your child at home for obedience, praise him for the things he does well at the meeting. Use your family's time together at dinner to praise him in front of everyone. By saying such things as, "You did a good job playing on your mat today;" or "I am proud of you for keeping your head down even when you were awake," or "I really like the picture you drew of the brother who was preaching," or "You sang very well today," you ensure that your child will try hard again the next week because he will want to please you.
If your child has not done as well as you would have liked, or if you are just beginning to train him, don't make the harmful mistake of labeling him "a bad child." Talk only about his behavior, not his character. Refer to the specifics of his disobedience, such as, "You didn't obey Mama when I told you to lie down," or "When I told you to put your toys away you started fussing." Then you give the appropriate consequence for his behavior.
Even if his behavior requires correction when you get home, be sure you also tell him what he did well. Your child is a planting of the Lord. Discipline is the necessary weed-killer that roots out the seeds of rebellion. But loving words of kindness and praise for obedience are the fertilizer and the sunshine and the rain that make that planting grow!
When your child is 4 1/2 and ready to begin Childrens' Hour, he generally has the capacity to participate in most of the morning hour of worship on Sunday. Although it is difficult for him to stand for the entire hour, you can help him by allowing him to sit down for some of the prayers then stand again for the hymns.
When he sits for the prayers, don't allow him to play,
although you might allow him to have a Bible storybook on his lap. But
keep in mind that you are moving him away from mat time/play time
toward more involvement and participation in the meetings. So now is a
good time to let him have his own chair placed on top of his mat. This
will encourage him to be a part of what is going on. It's good for him
to just sit and listen rather than to have a book in his lap all the
time.
You probably have been reading to your child for some years now, and by
four years of age children can easily remember the sequence of events
in a story. So now is a good time to begin doing "chapter summary"
together. Read the chapter to your child a day or two ahead of the
Bible study. Discuss it using simple language and let your child think
of a title for it that he then can share at the Bible study.
In
addition to this, he should be able to sit in the meeting and draw
pictures from the ministry for 30 minutes or so. He can draw a picture
of the brother preaching or something simple from a verse that is read.
Let him tell you what he has drawn after the meeting is over and be
very enthusiastic over his efforts. This will spur him on to greater
things.
By age 4 your child is doing more listening and less playing in the
meetings. Expect him to get a thought from times of ministry as well as
from family devotions. Even if he only repeats the last thought that
was shared, he is tuning in to the words and you want to encourage
that. Look for ways to expand his ability to concentrate on what others
say.
One good way is to have him learn to repeat whole sentences that
you say at home or that brothers say when preaching. Another good way
to expand his mental capacity is to teach him memory verses at home or
help him memorize the verses he is learning in Childrens' Hour.
Children at this age can learn whole psalms or passages from Scripture.
And how excited they are when they hear brothers preach from verses
they have committed to memory!
Once your child has entered Kindergarten he will begin to learn how to
print letters of the alphabet. If he hasn't been copying the outline
from the board, now is a good time to let him start doing so. Get him a
notebook or pad of paper so he can copy letters as well as draw a
picture. Let him use crayons or markers to trace over the letters and
color in the drawings.
When your child is 5, you can begin teaching him what it means to have
a morning time. Set aside ten or fifteen minutes several times a week
for this purpose. Choose simple portions of the Word, such as the
psalms or the gospels, to read together. Read a short section to your
child and ask him to tell you what it said.
Teach him how to pray about
what he learned from it and have a short time of prayer together. Let
your child pray for himself as well as others. Later, when he has
learned how to print the letters of the alphabet, he can begin
recording one of the verses he read in his morning time. Establish
these times in the Word as a habit with your child. But keep them
simple and short. If you do this, your child will maintain this habit
on his own as he learns to read.
Five-year-olds are well able to alternate standing and sitting for the
duration of the worship time. In addition, they also should be sitting
quietly during the Lord's Supper. Then, if you are having your child
draw something from the ministry for the first 20 minutes or so, that
leaves them a little more than an hour to play quietly, if they do not
take a nap.
Keep in mind that this play time will diminish as the child
gets older. Since five and six-year-olds are doing some writing and
drawing, you should be decreasing the amount of toys and books they
bring to the meetings. By the time your child is in third or fourth
grade, depending on how well he can read, he should not bring anything
to the meetings other than his Bible, hymn book, notebook and pens.
In the evenings before you put your child to bed, read to him and pray
with him. He needs to have a time each evening when he confesses his
sins to the Lord. Although you have been dealing with the sins
throughout the day, your child still needs to learn that he is
accountable to God for the things he has done.
And teach him how to pray for others during this time. If he learns to do this early in life, it will teach him how to go to the Lord in his times of conflicts with others, and it will teach him how to labor in prayer. Pray with your child every night for many years to come.
Six-year-olds are also learning to count
up to higher numbers, so you can teach your child how to begin to find
the hymns being sung. He also can begin to learn to follow along in the
hymn book as you point to the words.
Second-graders are learning to read and spell words at a rapid rate. By
the middle of the second grade year, if your child is an average
reader, he should be able to read many of the words written on the
board during meetings and seminars. Therefore, expect him to print what
is on the boards at the beginning of the meetings.
He now is able to begin a simple form of taking notes because he is learning to make up and write his own sentences at school. Even if he doesn't know how to spell all the words correctly, he can still write out a few sentences from ministry. Have him listen to the brother preaching and write down a little bit of what he is saying. Watch what he is doing and you will learn what to help him with and what to praise him for.
When he tires
let him continue to listen and draw pictures. A little later he can
write more or copy some of the verses the brothers are reading. Your
child might have memorized the order of the books of the Bible in
school or Childrens' Hour, and now that he is learning to recognize
their names you can help him turn to them. After the meetings are over,
take a few minutes to go over the things he has written down and praise
him for his efforts.
Eight and nine-year-olds (third and fourth-graders) are becoming
independent readers. They have the capacity to read most or all of what
is written on the board as well as most of the words in the verses
read. Their spelling also is improving steadily. So extend the time of
listening and taking notes accordingly. If your child is reading well
at these ages, now is the time to make the transition to no other books
or toys in the meeting. Even though he might not be able to concentrate
and take notes the entire time, he should not have other things to
distract him. When you see he has done what he could, he can draw in
his notebook or just listen.
Let me say a word about sitting with friends during the meetings. In
general, this practice is not recommended for two reasons. First, the
meetings are a time for the family to be in the Lord's presence
together. Second, when friends sit together it tends to distract both
children. The purpose of being in the meeting is to hear the Lord
speak, not to be with a friend. Even if they only pass notes to one
another they have tuned the Lord out. They can find plenty of time to
play and talk together after the meeting.
Now is an appropriate time to teach your child to have his own morning
time. If you try to do this before he is an independent reader, he
might get discouraged and think it is too hard. If he can't read the
Word on his own, a morning time without your assistance will be
meaningless. But when he can read and write on his own he is ready to
start spending time in the Word alone.
Still, you need to show him how
to do this and help him select the portions he reads so they are
manageable for him. Expect him to share what he gets from his morning
time at breakfast. In the evening around the dinner table discuss how
the Lord has met each of you. When he shares, let him know you can see
the Lord is speaking to him. Once he has begun to have morning times
successfully make sure it becomes a daily habit, a part of his regular
routine. Though he will go through rough times here and there, if he
has learned the habit of seeking the Lord, he will return to it for the
rest of his life.
Sometime during third and fourth grade, many parents wonder when to
stop bringing the child's mat to the meeting. The answer is simply;
when he is not sleeping at home during that time. If your child goes to
bed between 7:30-9:30 during the week, he should also lie down at the
meetings. Although he might like to stay up past his bedtime, he will
suffer for it the next day at school (and so will his teacher). Even if
he participates in the chapter summary, he can still lie down for an
hour afterward.
Third and fourth-graders are capable of doing entire chapter summaries.
Expect your child to. Set aside a sufficient amount of time to do this
before the evening of the Bible study. Encourage him to enter into his
privilege. If he still needs your help to read and understand the
chapter, make sure you set aside time in your afternoon schedule for
this.
At the meetings, expect active, joyful, meaningful singing. Be on
time to pre-prayer. Be sure to talk about the ministry on the way home
and include your child in the discussion. All these things will provoke
him to take an active part in the meetings and make his unique
contribution. Be assured, you will get the product you expect and work
for.
Praise ye the LORD...let the children of Zion be joyful in their
King. Let the high praises of God be in their mouth. (Ps. 149:1-2,6)
In this document, Ginger Geftakys threw an insidious curve: the intent of this information is clearly to make the child’s behavior as convenient as possible for the meetings! This is operant conditioning (think Pavlov’s dogs) of the worst kind. Your focus of early childhood development is to control their behavior for those three hours on Sunday and two hours in the evenings? Though in reality it is very good training for a lifetime of devoted service to George Geftakys' Heavenly Vision. How are Ginger's kids doing? Just wondered.
Editor's response: Thank you for the feedback. You make a very important point. The Ezzo's program is very similar to Assembly instruction regarding child rearing.
Ginger's daughters are doing well. HOWEVER, Ginger very, very often kept them home from meetings when they were children, ostensibly because of health issues. (It has been reported by a single person who lived in their home that she gave them art lessons during those times!) So her daughters did not receive anywhere near the full brunt of the conditioning taught in the pamphlet.
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