Rachel is the eldest daughter of David and Judy Geftakys. She was born and raised in the Assembly, and is an eye-witness to the journals that make up much of this account, as well as being physically present for much of it. As you read this, please appreciate the courage it took to write this personal account. Brent T. wrote the original introduction when it was first posted on the internet in November, 2002.(Click the Glossary link at left for definitions of Assembly terminology.)
Introduction
Judy's Story (1971-2000)
1971-1984
1984-1993
1994-1996
1996-2001
Rachel's Story (1996-2001)
Betty Teaches on Children, Wives and Husbands
We Finally Leave
Conclusion
Epilogue and List of Witnesses
I have thought long, hard and often about growing up in and living in the Assembly. I have talked to many people who have left that group and the same question always comes up, "Why? Why would people who claim to love God and be his servants and to love the people of God, do what the leadership has done? How can a person who claims the above allow what they have allowed? Why the lies, the secrecy, the abuse? Why did people I thought were close friends; people who had become like my family abandon me? Why will no one speak to me if the reasons I left were not because of my sin?" For a long time, this was a real quandary for me. Then, gradually, I had a paradigm shift in my thinking, which made the motivations and reasons crystal clear.
The best way to describe my paradigm shift can be seen in a book given to me, oddly enough, by Betty Geftakys, my grandmother. In Seven Habits of Highly Effective People the reader is asked to describe what he or she sees in a sketch. Most people describe a gnarled old woman with a shawl on her head and a jutting chin. Then the author describes how to look at it differently and you can see how it is really a young, beautiful, elegant woman. After you see the beautiful woman, you are able to see both by concentrating on what you want to see. That in a small way, is a paradigm shift. You are looking at the same thing but able to see it a different way because your perspective on it is different. The path to my "shift" began with finding patterns.
I guess before I get into that I should give you the brief version of my story. This is by no means exhaustive. Some details I will leave out for the sake of brevity and some I will leave out for the sake of the dignity of the victims of the story. Everything I say is true, and can be verified. However, I have changed none of the names because I believe responsibility needs to be placed on the actual people involved. The following is from a letter I wrote soon after we left the ministry I was raised in, the Assembly.
Before I start, I want to make something clear. Much of this account is a record of events that physically involved only David and Judy Geftakys. The physical events and abuse recorded here are only the tip of the iceberg. I have read about many cases of abuse where both parties, in fits of rage, beat each other. This was not the case with David and Judy Geftakys. The reason David could repeatedly act this way, and the reason it continued until Judy left, was because of how women were viewed in the Assembly. This view was espoused mainly by my father David and my grandmother Betty, but also by the leadership of the various "Assemblies" in their ministry.
Although this narrative does not always record Betty's involvement, Betty always was involved. Judy’s journal records in detail each time her life became unbearable, either from physical abuse or the behavior and attitudes that allowed the abuse. Those journals record the advice, counsel and directions for behavior that Betty gave. I have thought about copying Judy’s journals, but since I did not do so for this account, I will be unable to quote exactly what Betty would do or say each time, although what I say here is a totally accurate paraphrase. Should I ever be called on to give exact quotes, I will have to physically copy Judy’s journals.
Judy has told me that usually Betty would talk to her about how Judy’s "sharp tongue" was the cause the violence. Betty would talk about how Judy was not working hard enough or doing things right. Betty usually advises about things that she herself has never done. She does not have any first-hand experience in the practice of her counsel. She counsels couples on not using birth control and she herself only had three children. It would seem that she used some sort of birth control. She counsels parents on mat training, yet she never mat-trained a single child and never had her own children on mats for 3 to 4 hour meetings. She counsels about staying home as a mother yet she put my father in kindergarten at age 4 and went back to work.
On top of all of this she makes a person’s outward behavior the key measuring stick, which is how she communicates her heavy burden onto others. She judges you on your child's performance, your wife's performance, your house’s cleanliness or organization. She will see you once and base her judgment on the kind of person you are from that single encounter. Her judgment is unquestioned by the leadership. Worse, if she has a negative first impression of you, this will cause them to interact with you or respect you based on her assessment of you. This does not take into account what your life is like. She does not take into account the circumstances surrounding what she saw or anything else, let alone the fact that she is judging based on a brief, one-time encounter.
I have heard her say that if you look down at your child, even if they are as young as 6 months, and they are not either paying attention to the preaching or sleeping then you are in sin and need to repent!
She has the loyalty of many of the men in leadership in all the Assemblies. This is especially true of the men in leadership in San Luis Obispo. When she comes here, she has brothers, sisters, couple's, husbands, and wives' meetings, which she leads. A Leading Brother, usually Jeff Lehmkuhl or Roberto Sanchez, is there but they simply stand up and introduce Betty and she runs the rest. What she says is followed absolutely. She "suggests" something and it is immediately implemented.
A perfect example of this is the song "Oh, for a thousand tongues to sing". It can be sung in two ways: The first is a basic melody; the second is sung in two parts with the women and men singing separate melodies. She came to town, and in a meeting talked about how we should sing all together in unity, with no separate parts. This was to demonstrate that we are in unity before Christ. She got this from a book by Schaeffer, I think. She explained that the author came from a very musical family and knew what music was all about and yet suggested this "unified singing". Because she read it, and someone she approved of said it, we should follow the suggestion. Next thing you know, we can't sing the two-part version any longer. When someone would ask for it in the worship they would just start the single melody version with no comment. If she is followed so closely on something as trivial as this, you can imagine what it is like with bigger issues.
Judy was 19 and started coming out to the meetings on the campus and then in the San Fernando Valley. Almost immediately Betty took an interest in her and started meeting intensely with her. Judy and David Geftakys started spending time together studying, etc.
Here is Judy's account:
"When I moved to Fullerton in January of 1973, I had already been one of Betty's regular disciples. I also was David's friend through contact with common friends, the Youslings.David became my study partner once I was in Fullerton and both George and Betty regularly included me in their household activities. Betty and I met for breakfast once a week in order to teach me.
Part of that teaching was how to understand David. She addressed what she saw in me as a willingness to judge others harshly. When I questioned why David didn't have to participate in things the same way the rest of us did, she taught me that this was just more of my judgmental ways. Her viewpoint was that we were all going to be surprised with how much David did with how little he had in the way of health.
This proved to be a standing theme with Betty during all the following years. I was judgmental if I questioned David's behavior, and David was a hero in disguise because he was actually doing far more than he should be expected to do.
I believed Betty's assessment for many years. Once I no longer believed it, I still offered it as an excuse to all those around me with the same questions about David. But in private I began to challenge my husband when he would say one thing and live another. This proved to be the thing David would not allow. If I questioned him, he would be very angry and early on (6 months into the marriage) he became physically abusive when I questioned him.
He believed that a woman who loves God knows she should not challenge her "head." Betty supported him and enlarged this idea to include the teaching that a loving wife covered her husband's weakness, because "love covers a multitude of sins." If there was one thing I was committed to, it was to be "the best wife David could ever have had." And so I covered his weaknesses and believed I would win David's love in the end."
1974 David and Judy got married. About 4 weeks after their marriage David disabled the car before leaving for work because he had gotten it in his head that Judy might leave him. There was really no argument, or any other reason she would leave; he was just paranoid and very insecure. Judy was told and believed that this was a side effect of his diabetes. Judy was not allowed to work because David was afraid that she would cheat on him if she worked outside the home. Judy said this was the result of a talk between George and David.
This became a reoccurring theme. Every time David beat Judy, she called Betty and was told it was somehow her fault. David always eventually apologized, but it never stopped him from doing it again. Throughout their marriage, David made most of the family decisions, along with Betty, his mother, and then told Judy how things would be done. This included everything: budget, diet, where they would live, if they would buy a home, birth control, how many children, everything.
This was a point of argument between David and Judy. Judy wanted it to be her and David making family decisions together, like a normal family, but David would not have any part of that. Many times he would say it was because of the "Work," by which he meant his father’s ministry, or that he had talked to his mother about something and that to serve the Lord in his parent's ministry they would do it the way Betty had decided.
1974-1977 David and Judy were sent to the Midwest. They lived with a number of different people in different places.
1977 I was born. Two weeks after my birth, my family was moved back to Fullerton supposedly for David's health. On the trip home he was intolerant of the needs of his wife and baby. He wouldn't stop for bathroom breaks and wanted Judy to have me on a schedule immediately. Therefore, she was not allowed to feed me unless he said it was time, and he wouldn't allow me to cry at all. He wanted instant mat training, and he exerted extreme control to see his wishes take place.
In retrospect, Judy said David's behavior with the women in the Chicago sister's house, which he was supposed to be taking over, was aggressive and angry. That may have been the reason they had him come back to Fullerton. [It is interesting to note that David was never again asked to head a sister’s house and only had brother’s houses. He was less abusive towards men then women, probably because the men could fight back if pressed too far.]
Soon after David and Judy returned to Fullerton, they went to the Worker's Conference in Colorado. I was very ill with an ear infection and Judy was also ill. We were not able to make it to many of the meetings, so my grandparents,, George and Betty, put David and Judy and myself into a hotel.
David was angry because he felt his parents were disappointed by our family's performance. Upon entering the hotel, he shoved Judy through the door, back outside, and slammed it shut. My mom took me to the car to try to stay warm, as it was then night and very cold. We didn't have the keys but the car was open. Since we couldn't start the car, it too was getting very cold.
Finally when Judy was afraid that harm was going come to us because of the cold, she returned to the hotel room and pounded on the door. David let her in, but then grabbed her by the arm, bruising her. He then slapped her.
When they got back to Fullerton, he was placed in the Rheam clinic. While David was in Rheam, Judy was supposed to take care of George and Betty's house while they were away on the European "journey." When they got home, they found Judy exhausted. They decided she needed a "rest," but should have to "pay for it some way."
The solution was to send her to La Vita Hot Springs with Karen Krusik (now Karen Ling). There, Judy did the Rheam Diet process for Karen.
I had colic and cried a lot. Judy ended up having to go into the closet of the hotel room on at least a daily basis because my crying disturbed Karen. David was very sick at Rheam and angry. The diet had caused him to lose a lot of weight, messed up his blood sugar and aggravated his diabetes.
1978-1983 We moved from Fullerton to the Midwest and back again a number of times. Just before my brother was born, Judy talked with Dan Notti about her husband's abuse. Dan was a pretty young guy and really didn't want to have to believe this, let alone deal with it. Nothing was done to hold David to account.
While in Saint Louis, Judy gave birth to my brother, David Michael. She was sick the entire pregnancy. During this time David was gone on Itinerate preaching a lot. Two days after she gave birth to my brother, David was supposed to leave on a ski trip. Judy did not want him to leave, because she needed help in her postpartum state.
David took her to the Houk's house in Oakland, Ill. While Judy was at the Houk's, David took me to Omaha on a trip. While at the Houk's home, Judy got shingles and milk fever.
Since my parents were still having problems, they went back to Fullerton for a little while. While in Fullerton they stayed at George and Betty’s house. It was there that again, and even more so, David beat Judy. This was to be the worst beating she received, until years later when we moved to the second house on Augusta Street in San Luis Obispo.
There was blood on the sheets around her. It was coming mainly from her left nipple, since he had beaten her mainly in the breast. After the beating, Gay Mau (Walker) was sent over to help Judy. When Judy was in the shower, Gay was going to pour cold water on her wounds. When Gay saw the bleeding and injuries she became alarmed and went to Betty.
Betty diffused Gay’s concern by telling her that she didn't know what really happened and that Judy was responsible for provoking David.
At the present time, I cannot think of anything a person could say to explain those kinds of injuries but I am also away from the influences and controls of that group and of Betty. If any people could be brainwashed into thinking it was fine to beat your wife bloody, it would be the "saints." I can remember a time when I thought, because David said he was sorry, that should be the end of it. But I never thought that the physical abuse was OK.
They returned to Saint Louis and at that time Judy told David she was leaving him. His response was, "Fine, go. But you won't get the kids." Judy believed him and responded by telling him that he had until David Michael was 18.
David wouldn't let her go anywhere with both David and I. She could only take one of us at a time. Obviously, this was in order to control her, and prevent her from leaving him. He told those around him that she was just suffering from post-partum depression and not to let her be alone with my brother and me. Even using birth control she got pregnant again, this time with Rebecca, and they moved back to Fullerton.
When I was 4, I witnessed David shove/throw Judy against the sink in our Carhart house and grab her by the throat. I never told anyone about the event, until I was in my teens, because I supposed I didn't know what was really going on, or that it was only a bad dream.
In 1982 My sister Rebecca was born. After Rebecca's birth, Betty and David decided my family should not have any more children and that Judy should get her tubes tied. They said it was much too risky for David to get a vasectomy because his health was so delicate. It was also after my sister's birth that Dan Notti was once again confronted with the abuse Judy was suffering from David. Dan acknowledged, at that time, that David had grabbed Judy hard, slapped and shoved her. However, he was still unwilling to acknowledge that there was anything more then slaps or that there were "beatings." As usual, nothing was done, and David was not in any way made accountable.
While the Minamede’s live with us, David stopped beating Judy for a time. Numerous times, he would still get angry and slap her or grab her hard enough to bruise her before leaving on a drive but he didn’t beat her as severely as before.
When I was 13, we moved to the second house on Augusta Street. This is where things began to change, and to grow increasingly horrific until 2000, when Judy left David.
David began to become bolder in his secret life. This was (and probably still is) the life he thinks he has a right to live but will not reveal to anyone. He keeps it secret. David began to drink wine on a regular basis, sometimes getting drunk. He had a TV, which he knew as a Worker he was not to have. Eventually, he received his father’s permission to have the TV for "educational purposes," but the rule still stood for everyone else. However we all, especially David, watched it mainly for entertainment. The people who lived downstairs in our home, as many as twelve at one time, were not allowed to watch TV. This hypocrisy left an impression on me as a teenager.
He had a lot of people living in his home, and was monetarily profiting from their "contribution," which is what he insisted rent be called. He began to hide this money from my mother. At the same time he was hiding money, his relationship with Jeff Lehmkuhl began to fall apart. This is also when he began to show signs of feeling threatened by me.
As I got older, it seemed his experiences of physical and psychological abuse from his father George, and also from Betty, especially during his teen years, was causing him trouble. The very fact that I wanted to go places with friends, or date, caused him extreme discomfort and aggravation.
David feared loss of respect or position, not to mention monetary support, as a result of my behavior. David and Judy started to disagree more often about how I should be raised in my young adult years.
Betty and David shared a theory, which they thought was quite wise. It went like this: If they made all of my decisions for me until I was 18, then upon turning 18, I would know how to make the right decisions for myself. Betty has since abandoned that theory, and does not admit she advocated it at this time, let alone experimented with her own granddaughter.
1993 My sister witnessed David beating Judy when she received a black eye as a result. He slammed her head against the door and later, the side of her face had a large lump. During the night, the lump drained below her eye, forming a large black eye. At first, Judy made an excuse about her black eye. Later she told me the truth and revealed to me about some of the past abuse. This was when I revealed the incident I remembered from when I was 4.
I told my dad about how I remembered him shoving my mother against a sink when I was 4 and he said, "But I told you I had asked for her forgiveness, right?" I told him that I don't remember him apologizing, but he assured me he did. In Assembly theology, once a person asks for forgiveness, they are off the hook. It now becomes the victim’s responsibility to forgive, and they are never to bring up the offense again. Needless to say, this type of thinking opens wide the door to abuse.
Later, the Leading Brothers found out about the event that caused the black eye and wrote David a letter. I read this letter in October of 2000, because Kirk C. showed it to me. It said that David could not act that way and if it happened again it would result in some kind of "action," which was not specified. It was about 3 or 4 sentences long. We never heard a word from Dan Notti, who had threatened action seven years earlier if the beatings continued.
David stated that he had repented and asked Judy's forgiveness. Judy followed the Assembly teaching on forgiveness and protected David at this time, by not disclosing the past abuse to the leadership. She also stated that she too had repented. She was referring to "repentance" in light of what Betty had repeatedly told her was her "sin." It was her sharp tongue and disrespectful manner that caused David to "stumble" and become violent. At this time, Betty also did not disclose the ongoing abuse to anyone.
The Leading Brothers and their wives were all at the meeting where David was given the letter I mentioned above. Present were: Greg and Marcie Holder (living with us at the time), Jeff and Nancy Lehmkuhl, Kirk and Linda C., and Roberto and Jenny Sanchez.
Here is where I have a discrepancy with the leadership's version of events. Judy and I remember things slightly differently then the leadership.
I remember that after that "black eye" event, I was seated at the dinner table with everyone in the house, except David and Judy. After dinner, I found out David had pushed Judy to the floor and was choking her while we all ate below. She scratched his face trying to get him off. It so upset me to learn that I was sitting at dinner while just upstairs David was beating Judy. It especially upset me because first there was the black eye event, and then I had found out about the past abuse and now this. I waited to see what the leadership would do. Of course, nothing happened.
Judy has confirmed my memory of events. She stated that when David gave her the black eye, she didn't fight back at all. However, when he choked her, she did scratch him. Greg Holder knew about this. Soon after this second event, he and Marcie were moved by "the Work" to Spokane, Washington. The leadership’s version of events said that the scratched face event happened at the same time as the black eye event. In other word’s David only beat my mother once, not twice. Perhaps they were worried that if there were a second time, they would look bad for not doing anything. Either way, David went to the chapter summary and preached that same night with scratches on his face! All he would say to explain his face was, "Sometimes your sin precedes you."
I turned 16. The following fall, David decided that I should have a swat for each thing out of place in my room. My 3 drawers were not straightened properly, so he told Judy to give me three swats. I tried as hard as I could to keep still, as I was taught long ago, but I couldn't.
Judy went and called my grandmother and the spanking stopped because she came in and said to David that his Mom wanted to talk to him. Judy comforted me and told me that, "Papa Two (our name for George) beat Papa while he was growing up and that made it hard for Papa."
David eventually came back in and apologized. From the middle of my back to my knees, the tops of my feet, and my hands, and my wrists and forearms were all bruised and sprained.
Dawn Geftakys saw these bruises at a seminar a short time later. I told her what happened and about the beatings David had received as a child and young man from George, our grandfather. Dawn confided in me that Tim had trouble giving spankings because of the abuse he witnessed his brother receiving as a child and usually left that to Ginger. I didn't tell Tim or Ginger but I find it hard to believe that Dawn did not. In October of 2000 I spoke to Dawn and at that time she stated remembering my bruising.
1995 I graduated from high school and wanted to move out on my own. My mother and I found an apartment for me and David loaned me the money for the deposit. (I was not allowed to work until I was 18 and then I had to immediately start paying rent, utilities, food, etc. in David’s home. This was all due to the "theory" that my grandmother and my father tested in our family.)
Betty, hearing of this, arranged a meeting with the leading brothers, my parents and myself. After her input, they told me they didn't think it was "God's will" for me to move out on my own. They persuaded me to "do God's will" and stay in my parent's home. I couldn't stand living there for very long so I moved out about 3 weeks later while my parents were out of town.
1996 I unwisely became involved with a not-so-nice guy. I was 18. He was 27. By April of 1996, I was having doubts as to my relationship with this older man and wanted out. In April, I ended up moving back into my parent's house. I was really struggling between a sincere desire to serve the Lord and what I thought that entailed. I really wanted to walk with God, but I couldn’t bring myself to live the way my parents lived, or be in my grandfather’s ministry. This was a very difficult dilemma for me.
My life at home was very hard. Most of the people around me viewed me as a reprobate, out-of-control child, not as a hurting and confused young adult woman. They steered clear of me and were unwilling to talk to me about anything serious. The few conversations people would have with me were along the vein of "how was my repentance coming along." It was clear there was no compassion for my situation or help for me. Later, I was to learn that many people had no idea what I was going through, because it was not discussed.
No one seemed to even care to know what my life was like. I was not allowed to partake of communion, and my activities outside the home were limited. I was allowed to go to school and to work in order to pay David rent, food money, and utilities. I was to supply my own car, insurance, and maintenance. Other then that I was rarely allowed anywhere except to meetings. I was so discouraged and beaten down that I gave up trying to walk with the Lord (the Assembly version) and although I had sincerely tried to break it off with my former boyfriend, I yielded to temptation and contacted him again. About a week later, I left home in order to move in with him.
On Monday, I went into work at the office of one of the saints (Brent T.). Jeff Lehmkuhl, who was the main leader under David, came in for an appointment at the end of the day. He and Brent then persuaded me to go home once again. I decided that I really did want to walk with the Lord and really was going to try. I was also promised some kind of support and help.
When I get home, Jeff and I went to the house and Brent went to park his car. (He lived right next door to my parents at the time.) When I was in the house I ask my dad to forgive me for leaving and he said that I was like a drug addict who couldn't control herself and would go back to my sin. He asked Jeff to call around to inquire about getting shackles. Jeff went to the phone to call. Jeff returned to say he could not find a place that sold shackles and Brent came in. Brent clearly remembers me asking my dad if he was going to shackle me. Brent responded to me with indignation, "Of course not!" But Brent was not in the room when my dad asked Jeff to call about shackles. Since Jeff could not seem to find any shackles, I did not end up being shackled.
It was very hard staying there because I couldn't go anywhere or talk to anyone. Any outside activities ceased to exist. I had to get up at 5:30 every morning to go and work out with my dad at the gym. He said physical discipline would help with spiritual discipline. I was not allowed out of my family’s home for any reason rather then meetings or school. Often times one of my parents, would drive me to school. Despite my sincere attempt to "walk with the Lord," life at home was unbearable and in comparison, anything looked better.
About 2 weeks later, I was baby-sitting for Brent. Even though we had broken up, I called my then ex-boyfriend, from Brent's house. I was very lonely.
David came over to check on me. He snuck up on me. He heard me talking on the phone and had Rebecca come over to take over the babysitting. He then took me home. As we were walking up the path through our front yard I asked my dad to forgive me and he turned around and backhanded me with a closed fist. The Assembly teaching on forgiveness never applied to my father, only to those he sinned against.
My dad was calling me a whore and a bitch and other foul names. I was backing up in fear and hit my dresser. I said, "You're going to kill me." I really thought he was.
That is when he stopped and said, "No I am not but someone else will, if you keep going the way you are. I will have to identify you on a slab someday." That was on a Thursday. No one was in the house but my brother and he was downstairs. My face was bruised and swollen and I had a cut running down from the corner of my left eye to my hair line.
The next day I went to work and saw Brent T. and Karen N. I told both of them what happened. I don't remember what Brent said but Karen's response was, "Worse things could happen."
On Sunday, Kirk asked me what happened to my face. Because he was with James Aiken at the time, I told him I would let him know if we could speak privately. When I told him what David had done, he responded by asking, "Do you think what he did was right?" I responded, "No. I shouldn't have called behind his back, but two wrongs don't make a right." Kirk said, "OK," and asked me to go home and change my dress because he thought it was too tight.
I filed a restraining order against David. When I went to court, Judy told me that it looked like the Social Services would take David and Rebecca away because of my allegations in the restraining order. I knew that my siblings were Judy's life and joy, so I made an agreement that had the same stipulations as a restraining order with the following exception: If I made contact with my father, for any reason, then the restraining order would end. I wrote up and signed the agreement with Bob Anderson who was acting as David's attorney. This agreement allowed the restraining order to be made permanent without any need for court testimony. This is because the restraining order would be uncontested. Again, I did this so that my brother and sister would not be taken away from my mother. I didn't see my family for 1 year and 6 months.
At this time Brent T. began to talk to Jeff and others about the ongoing abuse he was hearing and witnessing at my family's home. New Year's Eve 1996 Brent discussed the situation with Keith Walker, while staying at his house for a seminar. Although Brent does not remember everything that he said, he is quite clear that he communicated to Keith the following, "There is much more trouble coming from the Geftakys family."
In the summer of 1997, Mike Duwelling, approached Brent regarding the strange state of affairs at my parent’s house. At some point in that same time period Brent spoke about the situation with Jeff Lehmkuhl and Mark Miller at a lunch meeting. Then in the summer of 1997 Brent spoke with Tim Geftakys and later with Ginger, who expressed great concern about the situation. Ginger told Brent that she had recently spoken with Judy and that everything was OK.
David continued to slap Judy, and to grab her hard enough to leave fingerprint bruises. He was more worried about his position in the Work and his monetary support then about me, his daughter. He was not very kind towards Judy's heartache about my situation. In 1997, soon after I came back into their life they moved to Morro Bay and only 2 brothers stayed in their house. Previously, there were several brothers and families in their house.
David started to act more and more strange. At one point he became paranoid that there was someone out to get him in SLO and would not come into town. Betty was in SLO for much of this time during my pregnancy. One day she called me at work. Judy had called her from a pay phone.
David was becoming aggressive and Judy left the house in fear of physical harm. Betty asked me if I thought the testosterone David had recently begun taking was causing this aggression. I said it may be making it worse but we both knew he has been aggressive in the past, therefore his behavior cannot be solely blamed on the testosterone. Betty said she had instructed Judy to go to Jeff Lehmkuhl’s home and stay there until the evening.
Betty then instructed Jeff to take Judy home and to make sure David was calm. Later, David chased Judy with a fork and plate and another time he tried to stab her with a fork.
It was also at this time that David began to be involved in pornography. At first he hid it from Judy, but later would insist that Judy let him be involved with the pornography and even participate against her will.
The following is to give you an idea of how David viewed sex in marriage. He justified the use of pornography by saying that he was not having sex with anyone or lusting after anyone, only using it to make sex with Judy more interesting. I have heard David say on a number of occasions that there is no such thing as rape in marriage due to I Cor. 7:4, "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." Therefore a husband can do whatever he wants with his wife’s body. (Interesting that he doesn’t take into consideration that according to his theory, the wife would have authority over the husband’s body and would be allowed still to say, no.)
David also began to do less and less during the day. Some days he wouldn't even get out of bed. His days consisted of taking a drive, exercising, eating, drinking, wanting sex and once in a long while preparing ministry. He rarely attended a meeting, except to preach. He continued to hide money from Judy, despite having agreed not to hide the money any longer. At one point Judy had to buy her shoes at a garage sale and ration feminine products because David would not provide for basic necessities. He continued to spend large sums of money on his cars and car parts as well as pornography.
In April of 1998 Mary Jean Schout (Hutchinson) died. During the funeral, Ginger and her girls stayed at David and Judy’s home. Judy confided completely in Ginger and was assured by her that action would be taken.
During this time Judy started to say she thought the way people were acting was not like Christians should act. Judy began to be treated badly when she went to meetings. They would harass her about insignificant things. One time they sent her home for being dressed inappropriately, despite the fact that David had approved her outfit prior to her leaving the house. (It was a knee length brown turtleneck sweater dress with brown opaque tights). Judy decided not to go to a meeting unless David was there. When David was there, the other leading brothers did not give her a hard time. This decision was to prevent David from being told that things were happening in a manner that made Judy look as though she was in the wrong. Judy thought that if David were always there when she was, then he would know the truth. This was an attempt to keep David from getting agitated.
Both my parents have told me that George got up in a Workers meeting and said that I had played the whore and he was not proud to have Daniel born. He said Daniel was not his great grandson and that when Liz has a child then he will be a great grandfather. When Judy was talking to Nancy Lehmkhul about the reasons why Judy would not come to a meeting or Workers meeting without [David] there, she brought this comment up. Nancy's response was, "Well, Judy it is the truth."
At this time George found out about the presence of abuse in my family, by the following occurrence. One time when David was coming after Judy, she threatened to call 911. It stopped David in his tracks. George heard of this and wanted to talk to them. He took them to lunch and said that if anyone called 911 they are out of the worker's meeting. Judy explained about the abuse. George’s response was that he had never heard of this. David and Judy then told George that Betty had known of the abuse. George did not respond to that statement. Judy and David told him that they both had since repented. George told Judy, "Well, you do have a sharp tongue." Then he left.
At a couple's meeting a discussion came up about if a woman should separate herself from her husband if she is being physically abused. David said the wife shouldn't leave. Brent T. had a heated public disagreement with David over this at that couple’s meeting. Kirk C. had left the meeting earlier, but later he also agreed that David's idea seemed a little extreme. The end result was the Leading Brothers decided to talk with Mark and others in Fullerton and get back to everyone. I was at the next couple's meeting. Jeff got up, at the end of the meeting, when we are all putting our things away, and told us that after much prayer and speaking with Mark Miller, and Dan Notti and others in leadership in Fullerton they have decided on the following:
Since the biblical goal is reconciliation, if a woman is being attacked she should leave the house. This is because if a woman is dead she and her husband cannot reconcile. Then she should go to the leading brothers who will escort her home when they think it is safe. When the situation has cooled off the couple should then be in counseling with the leadership.
In 1999 David, my mother and Jeff Lehmkuhl met with Mark Miller about a situation involving Jeff. Judy learned Mark knew of the abuse although he was unwilling to speak about it to her face.
In September of 1999 I got married. My parents moved to Cayucos a week before my wedding. They had Mike and Cheryl Zach staying with them for a month to help them with their marital problems. Mike and Cheryl were witness to the problems and abuse. During her stay Cheryl saw Judy jump up on the counter, begging David not to attack her. Cheryl later came to Judy and asked Judy to forgive her for believing the worst about Judy. She acknowledged that Judy was living in a horrible place.
Mike and Judy went to Betty to confront her regarding her counsel to Judy over the years. Betty flatly denied any responsibility. Finally she said, "If I did what you're saying I would be wrong and for that I am sorry." Mike and Cheryl, upon leaving promised to put in motion some sort of accountability for David both in "the Work" and in his marriage. Of course, as before, this accountability never happened.
In Cayucos, David was still aggressive. On one occasion, Judy threatened to call 911 again and David said, "Fine, I will call." He called then hung up. The sheriff came out to the house because they must investigate all "hang ups." When they knocked on the door, Judy covered her bruised arm and explained it was a mistake.
Judy got a computer with Internet access. David became even more engrossed in pornography, now on the Internet. He continued to take large amounts of testosterone.
At first Judy was put on a small dose of testosterone, by her doctor, in order to help with menopause. The doctor, whom she and David were seeing, was a weight reduction doctor. He was interested in "experimenting" with hormone therapy. He was willing to try almost anything David wanted. I worked for him for about a week.
He was a very unsavory man and asked me about my parents and my own "sex life." At David’s request, the doctor began to raise Judy’s testosterone level. Judy started to notice some physical changes as a result and called the doctor to ask him to lower the level. The doctor agreed and instructed to just take less until he saw her.
Judy told David and he was not very pleased. He believed that the testosterone would raise Judy's sex drive and that was most important to him. The next day David told Judy that the doctor called and didn't want her to go off the testosterone that quickly so she needed to continue the high dose. He discouraged her from going to the doctor for the injections and insisted on injecting her, himself. When Judy refused David made life miserable for her until she relented. By the time Judy left David, her testosterone level was over 5 times the normal for a woman. She has permanent physical side effects.
By this time I was married, my brother lived in San Jose, and my sister was talking about moving out. David now had lost the children he used to keep Judy and to control her.
David’s actions became more dangerous and more erratic. After Judy refused to leave a function with her family and go home with him, David attempted to buy a gun. David was unable to purchase the gun, because of the restraining order I placed against him in the past. He then tried to buy one from a man in fellowship, who refused to sell it to David, because he didn't want to take a risk which a store was unwilling to take. David tried to explain away his behavior both to Judy and myself under the guise of going target or skeet shooting. Because of surrounding circumstance, evidence and past history, Judy refused to accept this excuse.
David had a large military knife that he left on his dresser. Judy asked him to put it out of sight. She didn't know how to defend herself with it and was afraid that if the house was broken into the knife would be easily accessible to be used against her. Despite having told David of her concerns, Judy continued to find the knife out after she had put it away.
One night she woke to find the knife on the pillow next to her while David was out of the house. It seemed to her David was letting her know that he could use it against her if he wanted to. Later he tried to explain away the incident to me by saying the following: "I was concerned because there was a man in the neighborhood who was just out of jail and I wanted Judy to be able to protect herself while I was on my drive, so I left the knife and phone on the bed next to her." Judy says when she found the knife on the pillow beside her head she did not find the phone. I always wondered why a husband, who was concerned for his wife's safety, left her alone, almost every night, to go on a leisurely drive.
David also began to press Judy to drink, thinking it would make her more willing for his sexual advances.
In July of 2000 my parents went to meet with Mark Miller and Dan Notti in Ventura. This was the first time Mark would acknowledge to Judy that he knew she had been hit. Mark and Dan sat there and did nothing while David raged at Judy. David’s rage so upset Judy that she had to run to the bathroom to be sick. When Judy returned, Mark and Dan never addressed this display by David. They had no words of compassion or help for Judy. The end result of that meeting was Judy was no longer a Worker even though David was to continue as a Worker. David was not held to any meaningful accountability, even though the "leaders" knew he was abusing Judy.
At the end of September/beginning of October 2000 Judy left David. At first Judy was only leaving for a couple of weeks and then was going to meet with David and Charles Solomon. During those first weeks, my husband and I (who at this point had left the Assembly) went daily to help David. At first David said he had only hit Judy less than 10 times including the times he had slapped her. Then it was 6 then it was 3. Recently he told my sister he had never hit Judy only slapped her once or twice when she was hysterical.
During my absence, the Leading Brothers had distanced themselves from David. This was especially true of Jeff Lehmkuhl, who during this time, stopped trying for David's approval and instead began to align himself closely with Betty. Soon after I left, George came up and preached on, "seeing the result of your choices in your children." It was implied that it was because of my parent's sin that I was having problems. Of course, he never did anything to help my parents with their "sin." One couple even came and asked what my parents, what they thought they should have done differently in order to prevent the choices I had made.
In 1998 I left the man I had been living with. He turned out to be the same as David but without the name Christian attached. I found out 3 weeks later that I was pregnant. I moved in with my maternal grandparents and eventually was able to contact my parents. After a time, I was able to start coming out to the meetings. I had to write a letter of repentance, I had to sit in the back and of course, did not partake of the Lord's Supper.
I did not partake for about 7 months and the sat in the back for about 1 year and 3 months. I moved in with a sister here in SLO in a tiny studio.
During most of the pregnancy Betty was in San Luis Obispo and had me meeting with her. She blamed a lot of my "failures" on Judy. She said Judy undermined the authority of David by complaining about him to me and by not always doing what he said. Betty was upset that Judy had confided in me regarding the abuse. During this time there was a lot of conflict over the behavior towards me. David and Judy were not allowed to let me live with them or to help me out. It was not even allowed for Judy to give me a baby shower.
This upset Judy. She believed that if I had repented of my sin, I should be given help. She was told in no way was she to give me any help. Despite this, Judy attempted to help as much as she could. She gave me money occasionally to help me afford necessities. Whenever she helped she was punished severely and reprimanded by Betty and the leadership. Judy felt that iff we are willing to help people in the world, then why not the child of God. When she said something about it then she was told she was out of place and wrong.
At first I was told to give the baby up for adoption. However, upon discussing it with Bob Anderson, it was determined that I would be unable to give the baby up for adoption without risking the father taking the child permanently.
Then Betty suggested I go and live with the Holders and let them raise the baby as their own but legally retain custody. I said I couldn't do that. That was one of the few times I was able to put my foot down. As the time for the baby's arrival approached I tried to get an apartment for the child and myself. Again Judy tried to help me. She spent hours looking for an apartment for me while I worked and spent her free time taking me to look at the apartments she had found. She tried to raise as much money as she could to get me the deposit for the apartment. Again, she was reprimanded for her help. She was told that if she helped me I would not learn to take responsibility for my choices. Eventually we found an apartment that I could take.
When Betty heard this she told me to come and meet with her. She suggested that I live with a family and work for my room and board so I could stay home with my child. I told her I would pray about it. She said, "If we were to do this who would you consider living with?' Upon that, she pulled out her address book and started making a list. By the end of the week, the Leading Brothers had a letter they were sending out to everyone on Betty’s list. I had never consented to this but I felt I had to go along with it.
When all was said and done, my grandparents picked Mexico. They wanted me to go down there before the baby was born. I was called to meet with George on a Monday. I was told to ask my doctor on my Tuesday appointment if I could leave on Friday to move to Mexico. I was told not to talk to anyone about this and not to tell even my roommate about this. I had no time to give my job or roommate notice. My roommate kept asking what I was going to do about my living arrangements after the birth and I couldn’t tell her. I am ashamed to say I had to lie.
I had a number of complications to my pregnancy that George and Betty knew about even before they asked me to move. I was borderline pre-eclampsia, had been having reoccurring kidney infections, had a possible placenta previa, and another complication that could have required a C-section. Regardless of these complications, they still asked me to move and give birth in Mexico. When Judy protested, she was told she was interfering with God's work in my life and that she needed to stay silent. No consideration was given to her as my mother and the grandmother of this child. Quite the opposite, she was told that because she was my mother she needed to stay out of this completely and in no way help her child or grandchild.
Fortunately, my doctor absolutely forbade it. He was in shock that it was even talked about. I was told to move into my parent's house temporarily. It was decided that once I had recovered from the birth, (2 weeks max), I was to move to Mexico. I talked to Bob Anderson and he said not to leave the country until I had a court order of custody, etc.
Then George and Betty decided to move me into Roberto and Jenny Sanchez's house until my legal stuff was done. I moved on my due date with the help of only my mother. It ended up that the District Attorney was never able to find the father and so my legal situation never resolved. I was unable to move.
Daniel was born on April 16, 1998. I was stuck in the hospital for 3 days because of complications. The leadership and George and Betty told everyone not to visit me. Besides my mother, Dave, who is now my husband, and James Aiken were the only people who visited me.
Dave has told me what the brothers said to James Aiken and him privately. They said this was not a joyful occasion. The angels were not rejoicing at the birth of this child because he was a bastard and the result of immorality. I remember sitting in the hospital for an entire day alone. It was the worst day of my life. George and Betty would not even come to see me even though they were in town.
Once I got home from the hospital, they come over for about 5 minutes on the way out of town and gave me $50.00. After the birth, Betty did not come to SLO as often as she had during my pregnancy.
During my pregnancy, Bob Anderson had told me not to break contact with the child’s biological father so that when I went to court I would be seen in the best light. However, David wanted me to have no contact with the biological father. I was in a double bind, I would have to either blow my legal position, or face the wrath of my father. In an immature move, I told David Geftakys I had no contact with the biological father even though I had been in contact with him. I was not in a relationship with him but I didn't know how to be in a spot where I was safe. I saw my options as:
I would be in jeopardy (I thought) with the law because I had not kept in contact with my baby's father.
I would be in trouble with David because I had kept in contact with my baby's father.
The result was a decision by the Leading Brothers. When they found out that I had lied to David, they once again said I could not partake. They did not ask my reasons or take into account the surrounding situation. I was not allowed to partake for about 5 months. At that time, I was still only allowed to sit in the back.
After the baby was born, I went back to the Sanchez's house. At first, they did not allow me out of my room. This turned out to be a misunderstanding between the husband and wife, (the wife had told me I couldn't leave my room but that wasn't the instruction from her husband). I was not allowed to make any calls or to answer the phone. I was not to go back to work.
Later I was allowed to call my parents or my attorney but I had to talk in the kitchen, in front of them so they could monitor my calls. I had medical bills but was not supposed to work. I asked Roberto if he would help pay for my bills and he said, "Not unless God tells me to." I was not allowed to use my car. I could only go somewhere if Jenny took me. I was not supposed to use my car because I was not working and therefore I should not have any money to pay for insurance or gas.
I was a 20-year-old woman with a baby and I was a prisoner in this home. I cooked breakfast and lunch everyday and dinner 2 to 3 times a week. I did all the laundry and the ironing. This was on top of all of my regular jobs and supervising the children for clean up and babysitting when Jenny went swimming at the pool.
6 weeks after Daniel was born I decided to go back to work part time to pay my bills. I got up at 5 AM so I could get lunch and breakfast ready and get my jobs going. I left at 8:45 AM so that I could take Daniel to the Foy's house and nurse him before I went to work.
I came home at 12 and worked in the home from 12 to 3 then back to work and home at 5. I nursed Daniel for all of his feedings and I was able to get all my work in the Sanchez home done. I was exhausted, lonely, and discouraged most of the time.
Judy had requested to be able to watch her grandson while I worked but again was told this would be to much help for me. Latter when I had to get a professional babysitter due to Shelia's health issues, I was told I could not pay my mother to watch my son. It was better that I pay a perfect stranger to care for my son then for his grandmother who loved him to care for him.
Roberto didn't like that I was working a job in addition to working in his home. I asked if I could do less "Room and Board" work and pay a little toward my room and board instead, because the workload is so hard. Roberto wouldn't do this and said it wasn't what we agreed. Then Roberto told me I had to quit my job that day. No notice, nothing.
I was unwilling to do this because my employer had been so good to me. I called George and he talked to Roberto and I was able to give notice at my job. I wanted to move so badly. I was told that I was the reason their children misbehave. I was told I didn't work hard enough. When Judy came over to try to help me, we were criticized. I was praying to leave but didn't feel I could leave on my own.
Jenny was very abusive to her children. When she got angry she yanked them around by the ear or arm. She would spank them excessively with a large number of swats. Her children threw themselves on the ground and had tantrums often. She left them alone while she slept for long periods of time.
After I moved out, she was walking down some steps and fell. In fear of twisting her ankle she "lightly tossed" her 1-year-old baby boy onto the cement and it broke his arm. Her children have often been to the hospital for serious injuries but I do not know the particulars of the other "accidents."
This was the reason I had Shelia F. watch Daniel and not Jenny even though Jenny told me to let her watch Daniel on a number of occasions. Jenny and Roberto's bedroom was right next to mine and I could hear them yelling at each other almost every night.
When they had been yelling, I got a lot of grief from Jenny the next day. I called Betty to see if she could help me but she said that I had decided that this was God’s will for me and so, now that the going had got tough for me I should not abandon God’s will. She washed her hands of the whole thing, refusing to even take responsibility for having set the situation up.
When a friend of mine asked me to house sit, I decided to ask Roberto. If he said OK then I would do it. I asked him, on a Tuesday, and he asked if I thought it was God's will. I said, "Yes" and he said, "OK."
I called my friend and told her I could do it. The next day, Wednesday, Roberto told me he didn't think I should house sit. I told him I already made a commitment and I will not back out. About 2 hours later he came and told me that his idea of God's will for me, and what I thought was God's will didn't match, so I needed to move by Friday! That gave me 3 days to find a place to live. I had lived at his house 3 months. Graciously, the Foy's allowed me to move in to their home and were very kind to me. I remained living with them until my marriage.
During this time I began to hear about strange things Betty was claiming. Cornerstone Academy, the school operated by George and Betty’s ministry, is required by law to give some sort of sex education. While discussing what the class would include with the teacher, my grandmother asked how she intends to present sex outside of marriage. The teacher (Loraine Bush, I believe) told her that she was going to suggest the students consider the effects of immoral sex on their body and soul and the risk of pregnancy.
Betty suggested the teacher also give for consideration the effects of immoral sex on any child resulting from the sex. Betty stated that God sees children born out of wedlock as eternally different from those born in wedlock. Somehow, what she called "bastard" children were entitled to less grace than other kids. So much for God being a father to the fatherless. Now I began to understand why she had been so distant to me and my baby, who was her great-grandchild.
My husband's name is Dave Steepleton. Three months after Daniel was born we started dating. We had been friends for quite some time at that point and our relationship had become closer. We went to the leadership to see if we could start "spending time together." However, we were told we couldn’t. Now that they knew of our interest in each other as more than friends we were told we were not to see or speak to one another let alone do anything together.
We ended up dating anyway. Even though we were not supposed to be dating, Dave was still supposed to meet with the leadership about our relationship. When Dave started meeting with my dad, the other leaders told him not to discuss our relationship with David because he was too close to the situation. When Dave went to Jeff, whose house he had been moved into, and asked if he could marry me, Jeff told Dave that Dave did not know God's will, that he had never found God's will, and that when it was God's will Jeff will let him know. Somehow, at the time, we didn’t think it was strange to ask a third party if it was alright to marry.
Then end result is that after waiting, then going back to Jeff, then waiting, then going back to Jeff, we finally decided that we were getting married, in spite of what they might say and if we had to we would go somewhere else. Jeff told Dave that if we went against his counsel the leading brothers had decided no one would marry us.
He spoke as though he was speaking for all the leading brothers. However, when we finally got engaged we find out that he had only spoken with Roberto Sanchez and no one else. My father, who was still very much in leadership at this time, said he would marry us.
They would not announce our engagement on Sunday. They wanted us to meet with the leading brothers because we got engaged against counsel. At that meeting Jeff quickly apologized for "mistakenly misrepresenting the leadership" in how he counseled Dave regarding whether the leadership would marry us or not.
Then, quickly changing the subject he told David G. that, "Dave (my fiancé) has lied." Jeff was referring to and incident in late April of 1999. Jeff had asked Dave if he had seen me since my son's birthday on April 16th, 1999. Dave had told him, "No," which was untrue. Dave should have said it was none of his business. However, we didn’t have the confidence and maturity to stand up to the leadership in that way, especially after all we had been through.
David G. became enraged and his face was red as he yelled at my husband-to-be in front of the leading brothers. They told my husband he must write a letter of apology and could not partake until they had seen his repentance. This is the usual result of this sort of a situation and it hardly even crossed my mind to ask how Jeff, who also lied, did not have to write a letter of apology and not partake for a while.
A couple of weeks later George and Betty came to town. George and Betty asked us to come and see them. However, they wanted us to see them separately. We went to see George first. He was pretty nice. He said he was glad we were getting married but that we went about it the wrong way. He later told a leading brother that he was glad I was getting married because then he could recognize Daniel as his great-grandson.
Then we went to see Betty. After sitting down, Betty asked Dave for a worksheet she had given out at a recent Brother's meeting. It was from a book on marriage, written in the 1600's. She began to read down the list of things a husband should do. One says a husband should not treat his wife cruelly. She asked what would be cruel behavior to a wife.
"I guess if you were to humiliate your wife by correcting her publicly," Dave said.
"Ok," said Betty, "but what else."
"Well, if you were to hit her," Dave responded.
Her reply was chilling, "If your wife was hysterical and going to harm herself or the children, then you could slap her to get her to snap out of it. Then she would be grateful that you helped her snap out of it."
At this point I got up to leave the room because I was about to cry. It was obvious to me that Betty intended to use this situation to excuse David G.'s behavior. When I came back Dave was saying, "I would never hit my wife. If she were hysterical I would hold her to prevent harm until she calmed down. If you hit your wife you cross the line between protector and have become the attacker." After this, we prayed and I got up to leave. Betty stopped me and asked me what was said.
I responded, "You said, "If your wife is hysterical and out of control and going to harm herself or the children then you could slap her to get her to snap out of her hysteria and she would be grateful that you did so."
"That's right. I just wanted to make sure that it didn't come back that I said something I didn't," Betty said.
Brent and Suzie T., Eric and Sheila F., and Tom W. also have heard her state this same idea at a couple's meeting. The essay that she quoted from is still in circulation. This is a fact.
Then came the wedding preparation. I was told not to wear a white dress. It was suggested, by Betty, that I wear a blue suit. The reason given was that my child was evidence of my sexual immorality. They thought it would be a bad testimony to the world. (Note: wouldn’t you want me to wear a white dress as a sign of how Christ forgives sin and restores what he did not take away? I mean, isn’t He going to make our garments white someday?)
Since I had already ordered an off-white dress this created a problem. After much discussion and argument a compromise was reached between David G. and George. Neither my husband nor I had been involved in any of these discussions.
The compromise was presented to my husband and I in the following manner: Jeff and Roberto Sanchez came over and sat down with us and gave us the following options: I could wear an off-white veil that covered my dress or I could have a wedding that is not an "Assembly wedding." A non-Assembly wedding was explained as a wedding that they would not announce and would not suggest the saints go to but rather "encourage" us to only invite close friends and family. Since my only friends and most of my family were saints, this was strange.
Would they act as they did at my child's birth and tell the saints not to come? We decided to go with the compromise. At my rehearsal David G. was an hour and a half late because he was working on his car.
At my wedding David G. preached on the woman who was known to be a whore and who washed Jesus' feet with her tears and dries them with her hair. The passage ends with Jesus saying he who is forgiven much loves much. During the reception, George went around saying how, "David G. called a spade a spade," and that he is so proud of David G. George then committed a minor social indiscretion and asked my mother-in-law if the child with her was her son. She said, "No. That is your great-grandson."
A year after we got married we finally left the Assembly. Read my story " How I Figured It Out" to see what opened my eyes to the abusiveness of the Assembly.
For Judy's sake, I have left out the details of the sexual abuse because it is extremely degrading. Just know that when I heard it from Judy it was very disturbing. You need to know that this is not an isolated case. More so then any of the physical abuse is the way people and especially women's lives are eaten up. This is bigger then a problem in my immediate family. It reflects the physical and psychological abuse David Geftakys suffered at George and Betty’s hands. It reflects Betty's hatred of woman. It reflects an attitude that it is OK to consume people's lives for your own pleasure or comfort. The whole ministry is corrupt and needs to come to an end. God is no longer in that place. I hope you can see how this extends further then just my family.
As I have said before, I do believe that the average saint does wish to follow and serve God. I also believe you can become a Christian by receiving Christ as your savior regardless of where you heard the gospel. However, I do not believe that if serving God is your true wish you can continue to stay involved with the Assembly and thereby support it. I believe that there is only one way for repentance and healing to occur in the Assembly; that is by its dissolution.
The saints should seek fellowship in healthy Christian groups. Those in leadership should publicly repent before the saints, ask forgiveness of those whose lives they have affected, whether in "fellowship" or not, step down and seek fellowship, not leadership, with other healthy Christian groups. The workers should do the same as the leadership and also find real jobs.
George and Betty, Tim and Ginger and David Geftakys should all step down, publicly repent and in humility, attempt to make right the horrendous abuse that has permeated their family by counseling and financial support to their daughter-in-law who served faithfully for so long. Elizabeth and Dawn (Geftakys) should also seek counseling for children of abuse as they have grown up in an abusive family and are likely to continue the cycle of abuse, passing it on to the own small children.
George and Betty should be honest as to their pasts and as to the lies they told regarding this. (Under other circumstances, I might say past sins are in the past but because George and Betty have lied about their past in order to gain authority and power over other’s lives, I believe this step is essential). They should find fellowship in a place where there are people they can consider their peers (seeing as George has often stated, "I have no peers" in the Assembly)
I don’t really expect any of these steps to be taken, but I still pray that they will. I pray this not only for the sake of those perpetrating the abuse and the saints trying to find God in a place where he is not, but also for the children. There is a generation of children growing up in that place. They have no choice as to what their lives are like. They are at the mercy of, you, their parents.
I lived through what I did, because my parents refused to acknowledge the evil they witnessed and were involved in. Their desire to maintain the illusion of spiritual superiority and to stay in a place that made them feel as though they were really serving God cost me dearly. It is costing your children. They are growing up seeing abuse and believing not only is it normal but spiritually superior, godly, and holy. Even if you do not beat your wife or kids, they see abuses around them and they see you continuing to remain in that place. Your actions say that the place where they are seeing the abuse is a good place to be. After all, they don’t think you would place them in a bad or unsafe place.
I implore you. If you did not know of these things before, do not go into denial now. Do not believe that you will change them on your own by simply praying, or confronting the leadership. You will simply be told more lies. If you have known and done nothing, do not continue in your denial. It is costing you even if you do not clearly see how. Your silent complicity is searing your conscience and corrupting your soul. It is also affecting your children.
It is a scary world out there. A lot of us got into the Assembly because we felt guilty from bad choices we had made. We felt unable to effectively control our lives and it was so much easier to give the controls over to someone else. We allowed ourselves to be convinced that we were really giving the controls over to God.
Well, when you give control to God, he doesn’t do what has been done in the Assembly. However, you can walk with God and have fellowship with other Christians (something that is not truly happening in the Assembly). There are a lot of places to find fellowship and you will be surprised to see they are not compromised. There are a lot of dear Christians in other places that can be a real source of support and encouragement to you, in your life and in your walk with the Lord.
There are also great groups that have strong supports for your children as they grow up, to steer them towards Christ while learning to become adults who choose Christ and become who God made them. You will find that there really is a life where you are "Free at last, free at last. Thank God I’m free at last." There is a life available full of true peace, true joy, not manufactured.
You know the truth now and are faced with a decision. I pray you choose truth and freedom, not lies, denial, and bondage.
Since the time of the end of this letter in October 2000, the following has happened:
David Geftakys was asked to step down as a leading brother. I saw the letter to him asking for him to step down. It simply stated that the Bible said an elder must have his family under control and since Judy had left they needed him to step down. He would still be allowed to preach in rotation and was to be given minutes of all the Leading Brother’s meetings and Worker’s Meetings. David was behaving in the same manner he always had with the leadership’s knowledge. The only difference was Judy was no longer willing to stick around to keep up the image. He was also removed as an official Worker, although he has not supported himself with a job and is still financially supported by the ministry.
The only real change is that he doesn’t have to attend Worker’s Meetings. David Geftakys was briefly asked to stop partaking of the Lord's Supper, and then to stop preaching. When, after a token amount of time, he was allowed to start partaking again, Kirk C., one of the men in SLO leadership at the time questioned the decision. He asked, "Why, if we require others to demonstrate their repentance to us before being allowed to partake, then are we just taking David’s word he has repented?" Kirk eventually stepped down and left the Assembly. He is still in fellowship with other Christians and is greatly saddened by his years of silent complicity and the damage the abuse caused. He has made an effort to contact many he believes he hurt by his silence, to ask their forgiveness.
David at first acknowledged some sin but not most of it and now denies it completely. He is now allowed to preach again. The leadership, which at first acquiesced they may have been negligent, now state that these things are all "lies and darkness" and that they cannot know if these sins occurred because there has been no witnesses.
George and Betty Geftakys – have known for 30 years of my father’s abuse and been asked for counsel regarding it for the same amount of time.
Gay Walker – has known for 22 years (since the beating right after my brother was born when she was sent in to tend to my mother’s wounds) and during the end of my mother’s marriage refused to talk to her about it or acknowledge the abuse and was very hostile to my mother.
Dan Notti – has known for 22 years but refused to acknowledge it until 12 years ago.
Mark Miller – has known for at least 4 years and probably as long as 14 years
Tim and Ginger Geftakys – have known for at least 5 years and probably more like 14. When I was 16 and received a horrible spanking/beating from my father, I showed my bruises to Dawn Geftakys. I find it hard to believe that she did not say anything to her parents or at least her mother. Then in March 1998 my mother confided in Ginger. Nothing happened. In October 2000, Ginger spoke with me saying, "I have been meaning to try to open a line of communication with your mother for some time now." I wonder what she meant? The "line of communication" had been started 2 years earlier, but she had made no effort to maintain it.
Dawn Geftakys (now Smith) – I told her about a lot of the abuse but not all of it in October 2000.
Elizabeth Geftakys (now Henderson) – I told her about the black eye and the abuse when I was a child in March of 1998. At that time, she told me her parents had said Uncle David had a violent temper. In Spring 2001, I spoke with her and I began to tell her about the abuse but she cut off contact with me.
Sandy F. (Fullerton) – my mother told me that she had confided completely in her at the end of her marriage (this includes the details I have refused to pen for the sake of my mother. That means she knew the worst.). Sandy’s response – "Just make sure you maintain fellowship. God gave you the husband he did for a reason."
Jeff and Nancy Lehmkuhl – have known at least 14 years.
Roberto and Jenny Sanchez – have known at least 14 years.
Greg and Marcie Holder – have known 14 years.
Bob Anderson – has known 7 years.
Various brothers who lived in my parent’s home. This includes Mike Duwelling, who is now a leading brother in the Midwest.
Ray and Laura Dienzo – a SLO leading brother, who has known for about 2 and half years. They didn’t know at the time it was happening but have still done nothing although my mother has told them about the abuse.
Brent and Suzie T. – have known for at least 8 years. Both are very vocal and outspoken as to what they witnessed.
Kirk and Linda C. – former SLO leading brother. Has since left and now acknowledges the abuse.
David Michael Geftakys
Rebecca Geftakys
David and Rachel Steepleton (formerly Geftakys)
Heidi J.
Judy Geftakys
(Back to top)
November 11, 2006, Hannah Hales, New Zealand: Wow - what an appalling testimony to man's selfishness and deception!
There is NOTHING Christ-like in the actions of those supposed
"Christians" who condone physical, sexual, mental, emotional and
spiritual abuse.
My sincere heartfelt cry of 'Forgive them 'cuz they know not what they
do' is tempered by the words of Psalm 64 v 7 & 8 , 'But God will shoot
an unexpected arrow at them; and suddenly shall they be wounded. And
they will be made to stumble, their own tongues turning against them;
all who gaze upon them will shake their heads and flee away.'
To Rachel, her mother, Judy, and all other women caught up in any
cult-like system: I too know the game you had to play, believing it to
be 'God's will' for you, and I pray that you all will be fully,
completely, absolutely totally delivered from the lies perpetrated
against you. Father God cannot and does not condone these actions by men
and women, done in secret and covered up by other people who are tied
into the deception. His heart breaks every time one of His precious
children suffers under this type of tyranny.
Press into Him alone, without man's interpretation, under the sole
guidance of Holy Spirit, to be brought out to walk in the Inner Court
with Him in all His majesty and splendour, as the precious daughters He
created and delights in because you are altogether lovely in His sight,
the apple of His eye, Song of Songs 4:7, 'O my love, how beautiful you
are!'
Blessings to all, and may He make His face to shine upon you as you
continue to press into Him and discover your true worth in His eyes.
Hannah Hales
Editor's note: Hannah is the daughter of the Exclusive Brethren leader in New Zealand.
(Back to top)but do not have love....
....I am nothing."