Abuse in Families

Spousal abuse and child abuse happen everywhere, even in church groups that look super-spiritual. George and Betty Geftakys' teaching on the training of wives and children created especially favorable conditions for abuse in Assembly families. We are developing this section to provide education, assistance, links to outside help and resources to help identify spousal and child abuse and promote change within families. If you feel you are in danger, contact your local women's shelter or YWCA. If you would like to talk or email with someone from the Assemblies on this subject, feel free to contact us .

If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, it is important to evaluate whether it is wise or safe for you to use your home computer to get information on domestic violence. Learn how to clear the history or empty the cache file in your computer's browser settings. Or you might consider using a public library or going to a friend's house.

The next step is to evaluate whether you are in an abusive relationship, and if so, how serious is the abuse. We have developed a screening questionnaire to help figure that out. If your spouse has escalated his abuse from verbal to physical, you need outside help. This website is not designed to help you cope with physical violence. Get help immediately.

The K-State University leader's guide for workshops on verbal abuse has been adapted for application to the Assembly situation. There are three parts: Verbal Abuse Part I: What Is It? , Part II: What Can You Do About It?, and Part III: Is There More To It? There is an accompanying checklist.

The website, Sanctuary for the Abused, has a wealth of information, resources and links, as well as checklists to help you assess your situation. Here are a few recommended links from this website:

A FAQ page on the Not to People Like Us website identifies narcissism as one of the contributors to family abuse. There is also a page on characteristics of the upscale abuser .

From the Abuser's Point of View - an insightful glimpse into what an abuser does and why.

A Commentary on Religious Issues in Family Violence, by Dr. Marie Fortune. The sections on Islam and Judaism are interesting, but it is the section on Christianity that addresses how Bible teaching such as is given in the Assembly can contribute to domestic abuse of both wives and children.

Couple Counseling in Violent Family Relationships offers some direct advice in cases of domestic violence. Any wife who has experienced even one incident of violence should take heed. The situation would have been very different for Judy G. if the Leading Brothers had known and followed these warnings.

Dr. Irene Matiatos has a website on verbal abuse. One interesting piece is on adjusting after the loss of an abusive relationship--this is applicable to the loss of the abusive Assembly relationship, as well.

According to author Dee Ann Miller, who specializes in collusion with abuse in the faith community, "Collusion is the conscious or unconscious collaboration of two or more individuals to protect those engaged in unethical practices". Collusion allowed David G.'s domestic violence to go unchecked for 25 years. The following links show that collusion around the issues of clergy sexual abuse and clergy domestic violence happens in many churches.

Basic Facts About Domestic Violence and Collusion
Collusion Just a Symptom
Parallels With Family Dynamics of Addicts

Domestic Violence: Excerpts from The Domestic Violence Sourcebook Excerpts on why women don't seek help or leave batterers.

Rachel's Story exposed the fact that domestic violence existed in the Geftakys Assemblies. Susan M. also tells her story of abuse, and there are other examples as well.
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Submit a comment for publication on this page, or contact us if you would like to talk or email with someone about the Assembly.

Comments from readers.... April 17, 2007, Tom M. posted the following on the Assembly bulletin board: This week, as I was talking with one of my daughters, she told me that in her teen-age years, essentially the 1980's, there was talk about men in leadership who hit their wives!...Yesterday, I ran into a long-time Assembly member, one who was around during my time and for many years after my departure. I asked him if he had ever heard anything like this. He said yes!!! What he told me was that there had been talk of "spanking" wives as part of "training" them!!!

I would like to place a few questions before the readers. During your tenure in the Assemblies, did you ever:

1. Hear this taught or recommended in any of the public meetings?
2. Receive counsel from anyone that you were to participate in this activity?
3. Experience it, witness it or hear of it directly from anyone who was involved either as a perpetrator or a victim?
4. Hear of it being done from someone who did not claim to have witnessed or participated in it.?

This is really sad, and I take no pleasure in discussing it. However, if it really happened I feel it should be brought to light. The past cannot be altered, but at least it can serve as an example of just how evil and dangerous the George Geftakys Assemblies were. It can also serve as a warning to others who are in or considering involvement in similar groups.